Jam Tomorrow

August 19, 2006

It has been a while since my last post, but then, that is what makes my wonderful blog so very much appealing, doesn’t it?

One would wonder why I am now sitting where I am, attempting at writing sentences which I know I won’t like, rather than going to the sea that is just about 20 meters away from my house. Well, I do not know the answer myself..

I actually ommitted a lot of paragraphs before this one because I thought that anybody reading this would at least want to get something from what I write, so I won’t say “I did this and that” from now on.

It won’t be false to say that I, too -like many other people-, have self esteem issues. Funnily enough, this isn’t because I feel incompetent or anything near people. Its not about feeling anyway. I tend to think of myself as a tad more intelligent than other people and solid against attacks that come from -so called- friends that are aimed to make you feel stupid around other people. The problem is fatness. I don’t think such a word exists, but that probably should give you enough idea.

Fatness is bad. I’m not saying this because it increases diabetes, risk of heart attacks or I even remotely care about healthy living. It is bad because people do not like proximity with you. Touching you becomes an issue, and not just your tummy or anything, it seems that people perceive you as a disgusting ooze-emitting creature. As if they probe the skin a little, all that fat is going to explode down your side and cover them up.

And sometimes they experiment with you. “Wohoo! I hit you from your belly and the wave travels all over your stomach and up to your boobs -yes, you have boobs!!”

And all you can do is to do nothing and maybe smile indifferently, acknowledging that your friend (!) just proved he is better than you. You know you cannot blame anyone else for your fatness, and so you just let those kinds of things slip by. Otherwise you are a cry-baby who makes every little action an issue.

Ironically enough, I am now with some relatives that turn to issue into a relation-basing thing. Probably that sentence is far frombeinggramatically correct, but I’ll try to explain. While on the seaside sitting with them, they judge every person that passes by, by their looks. “Oh my god just look at how fat that guy is!”, “Wow she’s really beautiful and slim!”, “ZOMG He’s very handsome!” Just because that certain “he” has a literally flat body. They’d rather die than be fat.

After all this, you would think I’m over 300kg or something right? Nay. I’m not gargantuan as you would expect. I’m moderately over my normal (about 20 pounds) weight.

So how is this all related to what I have said at the beginning of this blog post. Well, because of all of these reasons, I am not a very popular person. I base my relations upon win-win situations. I don’t pretend like I’m having fun only to go to somewhere cool with someone cool, nor do I like to bore people with my own shit just so I can have some fun myself (thepoorblog.. 😦 )

Since the seaside experience would normally be a social one, and I get bored pretty easily when there is nothing to do but stare at flat guys try to get flat girls’ attention, I do not visit there very often, and would not die if there were no seas around.

But when I come to think about it, I guess it would be fun if I had a slimmer body. Who knows? (Hopefully I will, I even run for about 2km in the mornings.)

Yes, I know, pathetic.

When I first started typing I didn’t know how this post would turn out, and probably had a super great idea when I entered “Jam Tomorrow” into that Title box. But I forgot it now.


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